i think my tv is drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
