It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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