I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
