well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
