It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
