My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
