There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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