How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You left your phone here
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