she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
