bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
