So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
