If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
