she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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