Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
