someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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