Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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