Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
