he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
