Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
