Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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