Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
