the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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