Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't think brook has ever known best
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
