It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
