ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
