Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
