Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
