is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
