you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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