Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
