If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ttyl tear gas
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
