your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
