the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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