What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
