i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
