then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
