At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
