where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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