If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
