Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
