it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
