Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
