I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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