i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
