I accidentally had phone sex last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
