I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
