she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
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i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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