So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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