trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
