never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
