I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
