I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
