This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How naked do you want me to be?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
