Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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