I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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