I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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