Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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