Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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