My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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