It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
