There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
