oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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