dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
