Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
