their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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