Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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