Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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