What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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