I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
