he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
