I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if only i could text you this smell
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
