My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize