Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
