In the future we'll all be gay
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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