I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
